Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
