READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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