I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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