Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
