im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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