one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
