I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
