you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
