we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
