just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He better not be in your backpack
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
