Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
