just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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