How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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