Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
