I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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