I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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