I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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