Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
