White coat. Heels.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize