Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
