Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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