look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
