I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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