You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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