You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
