i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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