were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
