margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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