Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Shame is for Republicans.
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