Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
