so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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