you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
