I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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