Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
