So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
