quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
