Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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