i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
