I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
