I puked a lego.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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