So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
