he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
