Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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