There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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