Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
