guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
