hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
