Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
