new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need a burrito and a hug.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
