You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
