Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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