the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
