i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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