If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
