Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
