Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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