Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
