Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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