He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
